After months of relentless work, debt, and detraction from my goals, I’m rediscovering my purpose, embracing creativity, and preparing for a new chapter in life.
For the longest time, my life has felt like a never-ending grind—a cycle of working “arm to mouth” just to stay afloat. I found myself stuck in survival mode, doing whatever I could to pay off debts, settle bills, and handle financial responsibilities. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was the reality I faced. In that grind, I drifted further away from the goals that had originally inspired me to seek independence in the first place.
I had always envisioned myself as someone who would carve their own path—becoming a software engineer, creating projects I was proud of, and finding freedom in doing what I love. But somewhere along the way, life’s demands pulled me off track. Instead of honing my skills and pursuing my passions, I was caught up in the exhausting daily routine of trying to make ends meet.
The concept of independence—the very thing I had set out to achieve—started to feel distant and unattainable. Every time I thought I’d made a little progress, another financial hurdle would pop up, dragging me back into the trenches of survival. And so, my dreams of creating, of working on projects that excited me, were placed on the back burner while I fought to stay above water.
But now, after months of working myself to the bone, I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The debts I owed are behind me, and I’ve cleared enough space in my life to start thinking beyond just survival. It’s a strange feeling, coming out of a long period of financial stress and suddenly having the freedom to breathe again, to look ahead without feeling weighed down by immediate concerns.
And just as the clouds started to part, something unexpected happened. Job offers—actual offers for software engineering roles—began to roll in. For months, I had been hustling, applying to roles, and waiting for responses, and now, when I finally have the time to reflect, they’ve arrived. From companies I admire and roles I’d been hoping for. It’s almost ironic. But there’s a twist: the timing isn’t right.
You see, life has thrown me a new, more personal curveball. I’m about to head back to New Zealand to reunite with my family, something I’ve been looking forward to for ages. This trip isn’t just about taking a break; it’s about reconnecting with my roots, and in many ways, resetting my life. And this has made me pause and reflect on where I want to go from here.
I could jump at these job offers right now—take one, start negotiating, and get back on the grind. But for once, I’m choosing not to rush into it. I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I owe it to myself to slow down and realign with my true goals. What do I really want from this next chapter?
The answer: I want to create. I want to make something that reflects my skills, my passion, and the vision I’ve carried with me since I first embarked on this journey. Before I dive headfirst into another job, I’m setting two clear goals for myself.
First, I’m going to revamp my personal portfolio. It’s time to make it not just relevant but reflective of where I want to go in the industry. It needs to show more than just technical skills—it should tell the story of who I am as a developer and creative. It’s my calling card, and I want it to shine.
Second—and this is where my heart races a little faster—I’m going to make a video game. Yes, the dream I’ve had sitting on the back burner for years is finally going to see the light of day. I’ve had ideas swirling in my head, mechanics I’ve been thinking about, stories I want to tell. And now, I have the time and space to actually bring them to life. Game development is where my creativity, technical skills, and passion intersect, and it’s time to lean into that.
This isn’t a detour. It’s a culmination of everything I’ve been working toward. Sure, I have job offers waiting for me, but this feels like the perfect moment to prioritize my creative projects. To take the plunge into something that excites me on a different level. I’m ready to put my focus on building something of my own, something that showcases my abilities and fulfills that creative itch I’ve been ignoring for too long.
Heading to New Zealand will be a much-needed reset. I’ll spend time with family, refuel emotionally, and return ready to dive into both my portfolio and game development with fresh energy. This isn’t me abandoning the idea of a full-time role or a career as a software engineer—it’s me taking a moment to prioritize what matters most to me right now.
The job offers will be there when I’m ready. But this opportunity to create? To build something from scratch that’s entirely mine? That’s what I need to do right now. This is my chance to make a real impact on my own terms, and I’m not letting it slip away.
For so long, I was stuck in survival mode, but now, I’m stepping into a new phase—a creative renaissance. And I can’t wait to see where it takes me.