After years of setbacks and survival mode, it’s time to refocus on my original dream of creating games—before I run out of both time and excuses.
Game development.
Game development is my true passion. It’s the dream that’s always lingered at the back of my mind. Somehow, it ended up sidelined. Every time I think about it, it feels like a small dagger to the heart. It serves as a reminder of what I set out to do. I have been putting this off for far too long.
The truth is, life happened. When you’re juggling the challenges of real-world survival, that passion can get buried under a pile of responsibilities. I moved to a new country. I wanted a fresh start. Like many others, I needed to make money to keep things afloat. The excitement of game development had to be paused. I addressed the immediate tasks. These included finding a place to live, paying rent, and figuring out how to stay financially stable. The economy was uncertain.
I took on work that had nothing to do with software or gaming to survive. I worked as an industrial technician. It was grueling and far removed from what I had envisioned for myself. The long hours and night shifts paid the bills. However, they drained my energy. There was little room for anything else. I wasn’t moving forward in the tech career I had dreamed of. The idea of creating my own indie games seemed more and more like a distant memory.
In the meantime, I tried to push my way into the software industry. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t expect how difficult it would become. I submitted over 300 job applications. I was trying to get a foot in the door in any way, shape, or form. I was willing to compromise and accept any tech-related role just to break in. But the rejections kept coming, each one hitting harder than the last. It was demoralizing. I especially felt this way when I remembered the dreams I had. They were the reason I’d even learned software development in the first place. I wanted to make games. However, I was stuck in survival mode. I was trying to make ends meet. I needed to prove myself in the tech world without losing sight of my ultimate goal.
The job rejections didn’t just take a toll on my self-esteem; they made me question everything. Was I wasting my time? Should I give up on indie game development altogether? There were moments where I considered pivoting completely. I thought about finding stability over passion. I considered opting for whatever would pay the bills, no matter how disconnected from my dream it felt. And I justified it to myself: “I’ll build the portfolio later,” “I’ll start the game project when things settle down.” But of course, life doesn’t settle down on its own, and there’s never a perfect time to start.
After months of this cycle, I hit a breaking point. The cycle involved applying, waiting, getting rejected, and going back to work in a job that was burning me out. I left my industrial technician job just a few days ago. I didn’t make the decision lightly. I feared letting go of the only stable source of income I had. But I knew that if I didn’t stop now, I would never get back on track. The dissonance between what I was doing and where I wanted to be was tearing me apart.
Now, I find myself in a position where I have both opportunity and pressure. I have a budget and savings that can keep me afloat for a while, but there’s a ticking clock. I have to make something work. I need to forge my portfolio. I must focus on projects that will open doors. These opportunities be in game development or software in general. As I begin this new chapter, I’ve realized something important. It’s been staring me in the face all along. I forgot why I started this journey in the first place.
I got into software not for the security or because it was a “safe” career. I pursued it because I wanted to make games. I wanted to tell stories, create worlds, and share experiences through the medium of gaming. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. I got caught up in the rat race, in the endless applications, in the pursuit of stability. I was so focused on finding work that I lost my passion for creating something of my own. I was overwhelmed by the practicalities of adult life. My original dream was forgotten and neglected.
And now, I see creators and innovators in the software industry. They are people who started where I am and have since built careers out of their passions. I feel a renewed sense of urgency. It’s not just inspiration, though that plays a role; it’s the realization that I can’t keep putting it off. If I keep delaying, I will run out of both time and money. I’ll end up right back where I started, stuck in a job I hate. I will be no closer to achieving my goals.
I’ve come to understand that this is my moment. My time to recommit to game development. It is not just a hobby. It is not something I’ll “get around to.” It will be the core focus of my career moving forward. The road ahead won’t be easy, but if I keep waiting for the perfect moment, I’ll be waiting forever. I have to create. I have to take risks. I have to embrace the process of building games, knowing full well that success won’t come overnight. Most importantly, I must remember that this—game development—is why I’m here. It is why I started. It is also why I can’t give up.
It’s not just about making a living anymore. It’s about making something that matters to me. I need to pick up the tools I put down. It’s time to get to work on what I’ve been putting off for far too long.